Okay, class, settle down. Before we get to today’s film, Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama, we need to have a little talk about bad movies. You see, bad movies can often be good movies. How is that possible, you ask? Well, let me explain.

As long as there have been movies, there have been B movies. Traditionally low-budget, barely publicized affairs, B movies are usually genre films (sci-fi, western, horror, etc.) featuring actors of little or no repute, often made by small specialty studios and cranked out as if on an assembly line. Although lesser features, B movies have always been popular and profitable, and they’ve produced their own separate group of movie stars. They’ve continued to be made and have usually turned a small profit. These days, they are best known as "direct to DVD" or "made for cable" movies.

In the ‘80s, the low-budget horror film really came into its own. The success of cheaply made ‘70s films such as The Texas Chain Saw Massacre and Halloween bred the next decade’s string of horror series—all the Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street movies, among dozens of others—and a veritable ‘80s horror explosion ensued. Now, this produced an interesting phenomenon: movies that historically had been made without any thought, and were not expected to make much money, became a dominant box office force. So, what happens when B movies become "A" movies—especially when these B movies didn’t have to improve in quality to become successful? You get another level of B movie...a lower level, if you will.

And, yes, class, this is where we finally get to Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama. Filmed in 1987 and released in January 1988, Sorority Babes is the epitome of this lower level of B movie. It features everything necessary for a terrible ‘80s flick: bad effects, crappy music, awful acting, horrendous costumes and hairstyles, and perhaps most important, several scenes of gratuitous female nudity.

Another thing Sorority Babes has going for it is three of the era’s most renowned scream queens. You know ‘em, you love ‘em, you can’t watch a low-budget movie without ‘em: Linnea Quigley, Brinke Stevens, and Michelle Bauer (billed here as Michelle McClellen).

So here’s the plot (as if it matters): A sorority is holding initiation rituals that involve paddling the bare bottoms of initiates Brinke Stevens and Michelle Bauer and smearing their naked bodies with whipped cream, thereby ensuring the girls take an extra long time to shower themselves off. Spying on this collegiate fun is three nerds who just want to see some naked girls. Well, they get what they want, but they’re caught by Babs (Robin Stille), the evil head of the sorority. As punishment, the guys must accompany the sorority babes on the second phase of the initiation: breaking into a bowling alley after hours and stealing a trophy.

Once inside the bowling alley, they discover Spider (played by the wonderful Linnea Quigley, who earns the MVP award here—even without getting naked, dammit), who is already ripping off the joint. Spider is all blonde hair and bad attitude, but for the sake of the plot, she joins forces with the others to steal the trophy. But, wouldn’t you know it, the trophy happens to contain an evil imp who talks as if he’s an extra from Coffy or Foxy Brown. Anyway, once released from the trophy, Old Uncle Impy (as he calls himself…no, seriously) promises to grant everyone a wish. And he does. And you know how this turns out. Each wish goes bad, and before long, people are dying, turning into demons, and heads are being used as bowling balls. It all comes to an end when Spider, the bad girl gone good, and Calvin, the nerd who steals her dark little heart, manage to stuff the imp back into the trophy. And that’s pretty much it.

Now, I could peer deeper into this hokey bit of ‘80s movie making. I could throw together some theory about how it took the nice guy and the bad girl (i.e., good and evil) to restore order in the universe—about how one can’t exist without the other, yin/yang, blah, blah, blah. But that would take too much thought and effort. Sometimes, you just have to appreciate the bad acting, worse dialogue, and glorious naked bodies for themselves. Sure it’s a bad movie. What did you expect from a flick with the title Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bow-O-Rama? But sometimes, watching films is not about the destination. Enjoy the journey, people…especially with cheesy ‘80s horror. That’s what life’s all about. Well, that and a naked Michelle Bauer.